From Fear to Love a Pastors Journey

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It been a long journey so far and it’s had it’s moments,

the journey is best summed up in the Pauline phrase;

“perfect love casts out fear.”

I came to the conclusion that the God

of my faith was not as Loving as Jesus,

the one the gospel was about.

The problem you see is my idea of God was not tied to Jesus at all,

but rather my doctrines and theologies.

I came to understand I had the wrong God at least according Jesus,

and that thought came to a critical mass some time in 2012.

You see I used to believe God was both Just and Love,

by which I meant God’s love looks a lot like a court of Law.

My old God was bound by the idea of me having to perfectly keep the law,

and in fact loved me if brought the right pleading before the court.

This God was  in fact not as unconditionally loving as Jesus demonstrated,

but rather the granter of a pardon to the guilty.

Problem was I had to ignore the repeated unconditional demonstrations of love,

recorded in the Gospels.

For a God so infatuated with holy perfection and payback,

he was impossible to meet or love in any real sense of the words.

I really could not have the dichotomy any longer in my life,

as I believed ever deeper in the God who’s love looked like Jesus.

This meant a rejection of Hell as an eternal conscious punishment,

for the finite mistake of being born in the wrong place and time.

Actually it meant the rejection of an Eternal Hell all together,

and the growing idea that God’s Grace and Love was bigger much bigger.

It seemed only fare that God be subject to the Sermon on the Mount,

as well as Paul’s teaching in 1Corinthians 13.

The idea we don’t deserve God’s love is also something I have rejected,

as it seemed to me this made God’s Love inferior to my Love,

for those I brought into the world.

So this journey continues as I continue to ask the only question that matters to me,

how deep does the love of God really go? 

Does it include All, Most or only a very few, is it free or a word game?

It seems to me God’s Love for us it must start at birth as my love did for my daughter,

or else Jesus is a liar and the God he perfectly reflected a hypocrite.

ANZAHOLYMAN

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