I came to the protestant faith in the early 70′s, and right off the bat I was introduced to Rational Theology which was treated as a science. This led to very lively debate and a thirst to discover a faith that was beyond question. A faith that could stand up to any intellectual challenge, one in which I was right and could prove it.
So I found myself knee-deep in Francis Shaffer, Josh McDowell and Walter Martin, just to name a few. Eventually I embraced Calvinism because on the face of it, it looked like the most airtight theology available.
I can remember feeling so confident as I explained why the vast majority of humanity would spend an eternity being tortured in hell’s fire, and I still got a good nights sleep. Then slowly God began to chip away at my bullet proof theological Positions and my passion for winning an argument and being right.
Slowly I began to see that my God had become very small and His love reduced, to Rational arguments about Limited Atonement and a Justice that just wasn’t very Just.Furthermore I began to realize that I knew so little about the actual Love of God, that my previous confidence in all things Rational lost its objective reality. Then I began to read those I had previously judged as heretics, an destined for Hell for rejecting “The revealed truth about God’s word.”
I began to see that being a follower of Christ was far more than being right about what I thought I knew and could debate about God and His Universe. I know however have found myself in the position of seeing all Theology a merely speculative, and Love as God’s highest truth. Now all my theology I write in pencil, just in case I learn something more about my Infinite Father God.Some are very concerned for me some even question my salvation, but I have found a relationship that is far beyond the intellectual rationalization of God and His word.
I have discovered beauty and wisdom in the teachings of a mixed bag of thinkers, rebels and other’s heretics. I now consider my theology and open book one I dare not close, for fear of thinking I got it figured all out.
